


One Year

by dreamerinheaven



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual!Sansa, Asexuality, F/M, POV Sansa Stark, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Sansa needs a hug, it's not graphic it just gets mentioned.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 15:24:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14452146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamerinheaven/pseuds/dreamerinheaven
Summary: Modern!AU and just Sansa musing about her Sexuality, her past relationship with Joffrey, what he did to her - and a certain gentleman who recently came into her life





	One Year

The first time Sansa looked into a mirror and whispered “I’m asexual.” her voice was trembling and her face was puffy from hours of crying. She had read that she would feel better once she had finally acknowledged her sexuality but everything she felt was fear. She was a romantic at heart and she had always envisioned to have a big wedding with a man she loved and who loved her by her side. But would she even get that if she couldn’t give him her body? Would there be someone out there who would be able to love her just the way she was?

For a moment her mind wandered of, showed her a picture of cold, green eyes, brutal hands that forced her down, a voice that yelled at her either _finally sleep with me or get the hell out!_

Maybe she wouldn’t feel so violated and dirty if she had been stronger. If she had been able to say no to him, _no you don’t own me, you don’t have some kind of sick, natural right to my body just because I’m dating you._  

If she had walked out.

Instead she had laid down like he had told her to, closed her eyes and -

Sansa felt like throwing up.

To this day she couldn’t handle men yelling at her because that’s what he used to do until she was so terriffied that he could do with her what he wanted and until this day she hadn’t told anyone _why hasn’t she told anyone her parents, her brothers, even her sister or her therapist why was she such a coward why_

Sansa slowly sank down until she was sitting on the floor, right between the sink and the toilet.

Back then she didn’t have a word for what she was feeling - or rather what she wasn’t feeling. All she had was this sick, sinking feeling that something was wrong with her. That she was broken and that nothing in this world could ever fix her. She remembered thinking _I love Joffrey but why don’t I feel these urges everyone has been telling me about? What’s wrong with me?_

That first time of her saying these three words was almost a year ago.

A year full of reading every book she could find (and lord knew it weren’t that many) about asexuality, listening to podcasts and slowly piecing everything together, her sexuality, her view of the world and the pieces of the heart and soul that Joffrey broke with no regard to her.

A year of slowly realising that Joffrey had stopped loving her a long time before they had broken up. That maybe he had never loved her at all, just the idea of a pretty girl on his arm that he could use and hurt in whatever way he wanted because Sansa knows that she had been weak when they met, weak and lonely and so deperate to feel loved.

One year and right now there was a man sitting in her living room, waiting for her to come back from a fake phonecall.

Not like Joffrey. This one was gentle and kind and so very sweet in a way that Joffrey had never been, not even right at the beginning of their relationship if she was being honest.

Even his name on her tounge felt different, almost like a poem begging to be memorized.

Willas. Willas Tyrell.

She had whispered his name into her pillow, softly, with her tiny smile on her lips.

Maybe he would be alright with her being asexual.

Maybe he wouldn’t try to force himself onto her.

Maybe he wouldn’t leave her.

Maybe he wouldn’t break her heart.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I'm gonna write a followup where Willas and Sansa talk about her Sexuality, depends on how much time I have on my hands and how inspired I feel :'D  
> But I hope you liked this little thing :)


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